


Aftermath

by CrystalQueer



Category: gen:LOCK (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Post episode four, hurt/hurt/comfort, lowkey canon divergent, starting my own fic genre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-26 04:00:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17738618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrystalQueer/pseuds/CrystalQueer
Summary: After Cammie gets beheaded by the Headsnatcher in Dallas, she wants nothing more than to cry and then sleep. Unfortunately, getting decapitated isn't easily forgotten and it haunts her dreams, a nightmare wakes her up and prompts her team to comfort her.





	Aftermath

The whole flight back to the Anvil, Cammie was quiet. In her mind the scene replayed. The strange mech approaching, being surrounded. Being beaten and pinned and having her head _torn off_ and discard. Holons could feel. Cammie felt all of it.

She sat, unusually quiet, and shook. Trying to not cry. They were all adults here! They were all tough. Cammie had to be tough, too. They wouldn't cry so she shouldn't. She didn't want to make a fool of herself.

When they landed, Cammie was the first off the plane. She bolted before anyone could say or do anything. She hadn't missed the concerned, pitying looks on the plane. Yea she _did_ want their concern. She was traumatized for fuck's sake, but before that, before talking about it with anyone, she wanted to cry to herself for a bit.

Unfortunately, Cammie didn't know the base very well. Between training both in Holons and out of then she hadn't had any time to explore around and find any hidy places so her options were limited to either their bunk room or the bathroom. First she opted for the bunks but realize pretty quickly anyone could walk in and she did not want that so she locked herself in the bathroom instead.

Alone, Cammie sank to the ground and started to sob.

A tightness built in her chest and Cammie could barely breathe. Panic she'd been trying to suppress built up in her throat and the weight in her chest made it hard to breath as she sobbed.

She could still feel it; the strange mech's claws around her, crushing her head. The snapping and tearing of metal and wires, the twisting of the Holon's head, the claws crushing around her face, the final yank as her head came clean off her body.

She had still been connected and she only screamed as her body had been flung to the ground like nothing, then pinned and her chest torn open, she lost her comms and couldn't hear or see anything, not until the fight was over and Yasamin patched her into her Holon.

Being headless during that time had been horrifying. She knew on some level that she still had her real head but her panic convinced her otherwise; she could feel wires sparking where her head should've been and the pain of her chest being torn open hadn't faded when it was over. It didn't fade until she was out of her Holon. It, like the pain around her neck, lingered even now.

Cammie pulled her knees to her chest and rested her forehead on them. Tears and snot rolled down her face. Disgusting but she didn't care. She didn't care about much else in that moment as the scene of her violent beheading replayed in her head.

Her nose clogged and she could barely breathe, she paused her sobbing to cough and pant through her mouth, vision blurry from tears. She rolled her neck and looked around, never more glad to have her head. The Holon wasn't her. Her head was here on shoulders where it belonged.

The scene replayed and she sobbed again.

* * *

 Cammie didn't know how long she was in there for. At some point she had stopped crying and just laid down, dehydration and exhaustion making her limbs heavy. Her nose was so clogged she couldn't breathe through it and the bathroom floor wasn't the best place to take a nap but she didn't care.

She knew at some point she had to leave but if she left she'd have to sleep. Then they'd wake up and have to get back in their Holons again. Her's was destroyed, what would she do now? She didn't want to drive it again. Didn't want to go through anything like that again. The thought made her eyes well up with tears again.

And so fear kept her there and made her believe that if she stayed in the bathroom morning would never come and they wouldn't make her get in her Holon again.

At some point someone had come around and Cammie turned off her hearing aids. She didn't want to be bothered by anyone, she wanted to cry it out and then never talk or think about it ever again. But she knew they'd want to talk about it probably.

(Briefly she wondered if the Anvil had any therapists on base and if she could talk to one of them.)

But she figured by now she should get up and get cleaned up and turn her hearing aids back on and pretend that she hadn't been crying in the bathroom for hours and if she was lucky no one would bring it up.

If she was extra lucky it would take a few days for her Holon to be repaired.

Cammie sighed deeply and slowly, slowly got up. Her body stiff from laying on the cool ground for so long. When she stood her legs shook like those of a newborn foal's. She blew her nose a couple times and leaned on the sink as she washed her face and redid her hair until she looked presentable. She was still in her pilot suit but she didn't have a change of clothes with her and she cursed her past self for not grabbing anything because now she wanted nothing more than to change into her pyjamas and go to sleep.

She took a deep breath and opened the door.

The whole team was in the room, sprawled on bunks or sat at desks but almost immediately everyone turned towards her. It was quiet. She bet they were trying to figure out what to say to her because what _do_ you say to someone who got beheaded? “Real sorry about that. Better luck next time”? The thought almost made her smile.

Cammie gave a small wave and moved towards her bunk. She just wanted to change real quick and pass out and hoped nobody would interrupt her.

Her plan was ruined the moment Chase spoke up. “Are you okay?”

Cammie froze for a moment, like a deer in the headlights. He just had to ruin a perfectly good plan, didn’t he? Did she lie and say she was fine? Did she say she wasn’t? “Oh yea I just spent hours crying in the bathroom because I felt like it,” that would sure go over well.

“No.” She said honestly, voice a bit rough from disuse and crying. She ignored everyone’s staring and went about her bunk to collect her pyjamas, hoping they’d leave her alone but so far hoping hadn’t worked.

“Oh.” Chase said as if he hadn’t expecting Cammie to be so upfront about it. “We’re here if you need, or want, to talk about it.”

“Thanks, but I don’t want to.” Cammie turned to go back to the bathroom, keeping her head low. She was going to cry again. She was stopped and a glass of water was pushed into her hands by Valentina who looked rather concerned but didn’t say much other than, “don’t take too much longer in the bathroom.” And Cammie just shrugged and muttered something about changing before disappearing again.

When she reemerged everyone more or less ignored her which was good and she climbed onto her bunk and laid down and thought about what to do. Visit the Ether again and take her mind off things? Sketch ideas for her Holon? No, nothing Holon related. She couldn’t deal with that right now and frankly didn’t have the energy to do stuff in the Ether.

Nugget curled up on her stomach and she idly petted him. Eventually she pulled up a screen and picked a movie to watch, though she barely paid attention. At some point Kazu gave her some food (from where she had no idea) and she picked at it a bit. She was starving but at the same time she didn’t feel like she could eat anything.

She dozed off a bit later, exhaustion finally, finally catching up to her.

* * *

  _Darkness and an alien setting; tall buildings surrounded her like the city in Dallas, but nothing looked familiar and she didn’t hear anything. Not her team nor the other soldiers nor the muted sounds of fighting. She was alone and shadows hid any features. She was starting to think she wasn’t in Dallas at all._

_She wasn’t in her Holon this time. It was her flesh-and-bone human body. She was tiny compared the the towering buildings and the long shadows and general darkness made it nearly impossible to see anything familiar. She hadn’t been looking for landmarks the first time around but surely she would’ve recognized something._

_A purple fog rose up and her terror grew; she started shaking and crouched down and pressed herself against the nearest building, hoping, praying it wouldn’t see her. But so far tonight nothing had gone as she hoped, and this was one of them. The cyclops mech’s loud steps echoed through the otherwise silent city and Cammie cowered and kept praying but if there was any god in this dream he didn’t answer. The mech rounded the corner and focused on her like it had been hunting for her specifically. One of its clawed hands reached for her and scooped her up easily, another rose and reached towards her head and Cammie shrieked and struggled but to no avail and as it crept closer-_

* * *

Cammie woke up with a start and a short scream when she hit the ground; her chest heaving as she struggled to breathe. Everyone in the room was up with a start and the light came on and Cammie recoiled at the sudden brightness. It was only then she realized she was on the ground.

“Where’s the danger?” Valentina asked, sitting upright in their bunk. They turned and noticed Cammie on the floor and after them, the other two noticed.

Cammie wanted to dismiss it, say it was nothing and that they should go back to sleep but instead of saying anything or shrugging it off like she planned she started to sob again.

And then Valentina was at her side and patting her back and looking all concerned and Cammie wanted to shrug them off but she really couldn't and instead just slumped against them.

Valentina wrapped their arm around Cammie's shoulders and let her cry. “It's all right, little bunny.” They murmured, then raised their head to glare at Kazu and motion for him to fetch tissues. Yasamin sat on a nearby bed.

Kazu came back and set the tissues down by Cammie before sitting next to Yasamin and no one spoke, there was no noise aside from Cammie's soft crying. The scene was repeating in her head and mixed with her dream. It was no longer her Holon's head getting ripped off or it's body getting torn open, it was her's. A brutal and bloody scene that her fear kept making worse.

“What happened?” Yasamin finally asked, voice soft.

Cammie looked up at her. “I.. I had a nightmare. About earlier.”

Understanding nods passed around. Cammie reached for a tissue and wiped her face. “‘Cept instead of the Holon getting torn apart, it was me.” She continued after a moment, voice watery and rough.

“Poor thing,” Valentina said. “I'm sorry.”

“What happened was.. Awful.” Yasamin said. “I've never seen a mech like that before. And it fought all of us so easily. The whole attack was strange and out of the Union's usual patterns.”

Not exactly comforting, Cammie thought as she pressed herself closer to Valentina's side. Valentina shifted slightly.

“ _Could it have been a Holon?_ ” Kazu asked. “ _There didn't appear to be room for a cockpit._ ”

Yasamin shrugged. “We already discussed it.” She replied. “The Union shouldn't have this kind of technology, but it did seem too small to carry a person. The doctor has no idea what it could be.”

An old conversation repeating. Cammie got another tissue and wiped her face again before leaning against Valentina.

She listened with half an ear because getting the mech out of her head was difficult when it was all her team wanted to talk about. She focused on where she was, the bunk room that had become home and it's sparse decoration. No time to decorate when all of your time was spent training.

She focused on Valentina who was still letting her lean against them and still had an arm around her shoulders. On Yasamin, who seemed reluctant to spin her own theories on the mech but still added input to Valentina and Kazu's thoughts, and on Kazu who seemed pretty frustrated about the mystery of the whole thing. Cammie could relate.

“What if we have to fight it again?” Cammie asked and everyone looked towards her again like they had forgotten she was there. That was fair, she had been quiet for so long. Valentina was comfy and she was sleepy but fear kept her from really falling asleep because otherwise she would've by now.

No one answered for a few minutes.

“We'll be more prepared.” Yasamin said. “We know of its existence and have an idea of what it can do. I do doubt we'll encounter it again, though. Most of the mission you'll go on will be citizen pickups until you're better trained and I doubt the Union will send it to fight such small battles.”

“ _We only have a vague idea of what it can do. We won't be better prepared because we don't know what to prepare for._ ” Kazu said. Yasamin glared at him then tilted her head towards Cammie as if to remind him they were trying to calm her down. Cammie didn't miss the silent exchange.

“I hope that next time we have to deal with it we'll be better trained so Yasamin and Chase don't have to carry the fight.” Valentina said. Yasamin nodded in agreement.

Valentina nudged Cammie into an upright position and ignored her weak protest. They scooched themself back to lean against a bed and then raised an arm to invite Cammie back; an invitation she gladly accepted. Cammie once again tucked herself into Valentina's side and had to agree that having the bed to lean against was a bit more comfortable despite the metal frame.

Cammie focused on Yasamin again. “How long until my Holon is repaired?” She asked. Yasamin would probably know. From what she remembered from her talk with Miguel that morning (which felt like ages ago) it wouldn’t take too long. Build a new head and print some new armor and she'd be ready to fight again.

“About a day.” Yasamin replied. “The head might be a bit tricky to repair but since the body was left in decent shape it shouldn't take too long.”

Cammie raised a hand to her throat, still able to feel the tearing there and on her chest. Her eyes teared up again. “I don't want to fight anymore.” Cammie said, voice barely above a whisper.

“Cammie, you can't let one bad experience end your entire career here.” Yasamin said.

“One bad experience?” Cammie replied, voice slowly rising. “ _One bad experience?_ I had my fucking head ripped off! I was torn into like a goddamn Christmas present! _I could feel all of it._ You don't get it! I just had a damn nightmare about what happened and it definitely won't be the last.”

As she went on her voice got steadily louder. “I don't have much a home to go back to but I'd rather be shipped back to Scotland than have to fight again! At least there I had a decent job and didn't have to worry about being decapitated!”

Cammie sat up while she yelled and Valentina's armed tightened around her shoulders like they were afraid she was going to pack her bag and bolt and she had half the mind to do just that. Grab her stuff, get Nugget, and go.

“Cammie.” Valentina said sharply. “You need to settle down.”

“I _can't_ !” Cammie practically wailed, sinking back down against Valentina. “I'm so _scared_. I-I could feel everythin’ that happened even after- after it let go of me. I couldn't hear or see anythin’! I-I almost thought I'd been abandoned and I don't want to do that again!” And she was crying again, head bent and covered by her hands. Valentina shifted to pull Cammie into a proper hug.

“It's all right, little bunny.” They murmured, and Cammie curled against them.

“You won't have to go through that again. If there is a next time, we will be better trained, better prepared.” Yasamin said, she slid down to the floor across from Cammie and Valentina. “We'll protect you.”

Cammie thought on that for a few moments; what did Yasamin mean by “we”? Weren’t she and Chase already pretty well trained? 

“We should all get back to bed.” Yasamin said before Cammie, or anyone, could really say anything. “You’ll be expected to show up for training tomorrow like usual, except for you.” Yasamin looked at Cammie. “You’ll be getting a few days off while your Holon is repaired.”

Cammie sighed in relief; at least she’d get a break. Kazu and Yasamin got up and headed off to their respective beds. Valentina let Cammie up and in turn she helped them stand. Cammie was about to hoist herself back onto her bed but Valentina stopped her.

“Trade bunks with me; just for tonight. In case you have any more nightmares and fall off again.”

They had a good reason and Cammie was far too tired to argue so she just nodded and let herself ragdoll onto the bed; not even bothering with the blanket. Valentina tugged it over her and Cammie rolled over and squinted at them. Valentina never struck her as someone who’d be so soft and caring and she was a little confused by it all but frankly it was nice and she wasn’t going to complain. “If you need anything or have another nightmare, you can wake anyone of us.” Valentina said, waving a hand to indicate Yasamin and Kazu. “Goodnight, little bunny.”

“Night..” Cammie murmured, and Valentina pulled themself up onto the top bunk.

Despite her exhaustion, Cammie couldn’t fall asleep again that night. Too afraid of what might happen in her dreams to try, so she laid there in the dark and listened to the sound of teammates breathing and kept reminding herself that she was safe here and she would stay safe here.

**Author's Note:**

> please don't mention how the timeline doesn't work with canon I know. I managed to forget that the Dallas mission was at night while writing but this version is so much better than the amended version so I'm posting it despite the glaring flaw.
> 
> I do hope you enjoy this ! Please leave a comment if you did, it means a lot to me.
> 
> if you want to see more of my writing or just general stuff from me, you can find me on tumblr @cammie-maccloud !


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